Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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