I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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