I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Bring me that man meat
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
