i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
