Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
