I hate all girls vehemently.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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