I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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