around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
