They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize