Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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