I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
