I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
