she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My dick has a subreddit
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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