Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
