Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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