I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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