my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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