What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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