I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
