Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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