Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
