Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
