The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
