That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
