She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
