Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize