i jhust puked up my retainher.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
areolas are like halos for boobs.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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