I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
