Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
