Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
