You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
