fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have fence marks all over my body
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
