Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
