There was a lot of him and a little penis
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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