I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
