i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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