Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
