I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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