My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
