theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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