I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
