I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
