I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize