is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
