I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize