I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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