I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
