Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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