I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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