Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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