How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize