im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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