She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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