I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
