She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
