quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
