Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
