Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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