It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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