Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
