He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
