Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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