he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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