mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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