That's when you crack a 10am beer
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
