Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm passing your future prison.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
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