Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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