I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
