How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
