Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
