You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
