we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
