recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
