i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
