so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
