i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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