The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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