so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
