I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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