I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
