And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
