Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
