It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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