evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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