he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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