I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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