it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
