I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
