I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
