you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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