Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
