I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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