I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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