I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
