I am puke
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
