Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
